Friday, December 22, 2006

The Winter Break

All through a long and arduous semester, the winter break was like the beacon of light, the hope that we all clung to, for some welcome relief. And now its here. But is it what was expected? Far from it.

With the city warmer than it was at the start of Fall, and the number of familiar faces diminishing daily, one wonders what the entire brouhaha was about. Come 14th December, and the day was upon us. We were finally free. Free to do anything. Free to relax. Free to do.....

After a point you realise that there's not much that you can do. Pretty soon the feeling of being lost and alone creeps up to you, and then nestles down quietly in your heart. With almost all of your world disappearing into the darkness of the early evening, you are left wondering about the days that just transpired.

The new place that u arrived to full of hope and anticipation. The new faces you met, and how they slowly became friends. The parties that we had (few that they were). The long sessions of work in the department, the all nighters. Some things to look back at, after the semester. Things that make you introspect. Is this really what you were expecting on arrival? How life has changed since that day.

Sleep is now considered a luxury. More than 5 hrs a day and you are living like a king. Even now, in the break, its hard to sleep before 3 am. To have food, a proper Indian meal is something unheard of. Have done it for two meals in a row now, and my stomach is starting to complain!! The Internet. When we first got here, the speed of the Internet amazed us. I mean a 1 gigabit line straight to your comp is something fascinating. But now, having downloaded a lot of things, in under a minute, it kinda leaves u dazed, and bored. A friend passed a comment few days ago. "If the downloads were a little slower, I could play my game in between downloads, but I cant. Its just too fast, man!"

Friends; there are lots of them here. But they always disappear into their cliques given a chance. This isn't a complaint, just an observation. But its something that can be rather annoying at times. Leave everyone alone for sometime, and the Bombay gang form one circle, the Bangalore gang another. The natives form a third. I, having some loyalties to both blore, where I made my first friends of my class, and bbay, where I am from, tend to get caught out a lot. And sometimes it stings.

And gossip. It seems to be the only thing that keeps people going. Heard a lot of it this semester. Some of it warranted, some of it not. Some people had to be careful of what they did thereafter in order to quell the stories that perpetuated, others just took it in stride. Yet others fought over it. With battles that will last the duration of the course.

In a span of 4 months, friendships have formed, and been destroyed. Rumors have that nasty trick of destroying beautiful things, as well as forming wonderful replicas.

The hectic times brought out a lot of hidden sides in people as well. True colours blossomed, and inner characters made their selves visible. Waves of depression hit people at times. Sometimes insecurity. Sometimes fear. But things are never as happy as they seem to the outside world. The pressure gets to you. And everyone buckles. In their own ways. But its always obvious if you spend enough time together. (I'd consider spending 12-15 hrs in close proximity for about 2 months, enough time.)

And now back to the winter break. Alone at home lost with your thoughts. Until the evening, when those of us here get together at one house and watch a movie, and have some fun. But that still leaves the entire day. Its times like these, when you realise what solitary confinement would be like.

6 comments:

Ujjwal said...

sahi hai...take some time to read a book or something..it helps..

Aparna Kar said...

It gets pretty tough at times.
But it brings out the best in some...
Nice post. Direct Dil se

Try doing something you always wanted to do but never found time for...could be anything...

zoxcleb said...

@ujjwal
hmmm... sure will try...
any suggestions?

@aparna
hmmm... more thinking...

Advitiya said...

Holiday blues? Not unheard of re... kinda going through the same but then again I got my siblings to bug...

"If the downloads were a little slower, I could play my game in between downloads, but I cant. Its just too fast, man!"
OMG!ROLFL!!

Me's reading books... hitchiker' guide to the galaxy... or finally finish atlas shrugged or fountainhead...whichever you coudn;t finish :P

Ujjwal said...

yeah, go to the CMU Library and read "The Train to Pakistan" if you have not done so already.

"The Monk who sold his Ferrari" is another good one.

Nandini said...

Heartfelt thougts, GPS. I think I know wat u mean. The semester is so emotionally extracting n demanding that you really look forward to a break. However the problem is you spend hours together with people you have gotten to know only recently, but developed attachments to because some of them are like the only family u have in the distant US. The vacation which you think would be a blissful period of relaxation suddenly loses its sheen and charam, because you have leisure but not the people you care about are no longer there. So the vacation becomes more like a vacuum, or a solitary confinement as you refer to it. I think however what I was lucky in having during both my christmas breaks, was aatleast one friend with whom I shared a good bonding and was able to get the best out of the break.